To the Girls ...

And so to the notes that the Guys repeated in the What we'd like Girls to Know category. There are four here that were said at least four times, so they are worth looking at, I reckon.

Guys can be nervous and shy too

I certainly don't doubt the truth of this, and in this world where our guys have been 'put down' for the past couple of decades I don't blame them. In that I'm not of the Guy-variety myself, but rather of the Girl-variety, you'd think my sympathies would lean more to the young ladies, but they don't. I really feel for our young men who must feel like they are walking a tight-rope.


"If I offer to help, do I get accused of being a chauvinist?"


"If I take the lead, will I be accused of being unfeeling and uncaring?"


"If I'm protective, will I be accused of suggesting she's a weakling?"


So I am not surprised that the fellas feel nervous and even shy, and I say this to the girls: Don't ever, ever give a fella more reason to be nervous. Make sure you treat young men in a right way. Don't disrespect them. Be very, very careful in teasing a guy - remember respect means a huge amount to the menfolk.


There's a reason that God's Word tells a husband to 'love his wife as Christ loved the church', but tells the wife to 'respect her husband'. Guys need respect, girls. Don't belittle a guy. Ever. What makes them more nervous than anything else is thinking that they might make a fool of themselves. 

~      ~      ~

And then we have:

We have feelings too.

Seriously? You guys ... have feelings??


Okay, now I'm being facetious (although when I mentioned this one to a certain young man under my own roof, he looked rather scornful, and suggested that 'It must have been the Americans who wrote that'. Said like a true Scotsman!).


Much of what I said in connection with the previous comment would apply to this too. Remember girls, the fellas need respect.


But, like I was saying yesterday in connection with flirting with others, don't mess with anyone's heart. It is simply a No-No.

~      ~      ~

Then we had this from the guys:

My phone number . 

You want the girls to have your phone number? Hmmmm. Considering that one of the girls' comments said:

Don’t give us your phone number.

...then I think this is a definite No! 

~      ~      ~

And now on to one of the more serious, and the most repeated comment in what the Guys wanted the Girls to know:

Most guys lust quickly. You dress a little immodestly and our minds hit the gutter.

Now, I'm having to be honest here - there's part of me thinks doubtfully, 'Really? That really happens?'. And so, not being able to enter into the sentiments of this comment, I did some asking around. And this seems to be the consensus:


Yes, it's true. Immodestly dressed girls really do cause the guys' minds to 'hit the gutter'. Some of the comments I received  said things like.


"Girls dressed like that put me totally of in terms of ever having a relationship with that girl."


"Yes, it's sad but true - our minds go where they shouldn't when a girl has too little covered up."


"When I see that, it doesn't attract me to the girl one bit, but the damage is already done."


I honestly had to ask guys of a younger generation because - and this may simply be a generation thing - when I see immodestly dressed girls, I find it so unattractive, and so I struggle to imagine guys being attracted to it in any way. What I didn't seem to grasp is that although many of them find it distinctly UNattractive, yet it does cause them to stumble.


And so, girls, there are a number of reasons not to dress immodestly.


1. Scripture would have it so. It is clear that being immodestly dressed is not a Godly way for a young woman to appear. 1 Tim 2: 9 is a verse worth studying in this context, but there are other parts of Scripture which show that a man is drawn by what they see. And remember, God wants the best for you - that's why He gave us details such as this in His Word.


2. Your own dignity. Seriously girls, it is true that you are lowering your own esteem by dressing indecently. Remember who you are. Remember what you are - a wonderful and precious creation, made in the image of God. You are worth more than to go out in public with more showing than is decent.


3. You are going to attract the wrong kind of guy. Going by what I've learnt from the questions I asked, decent guys may stumble spiritually because of what you're wearing, but they are not attracted to it. I have to tell you - you do not want the wrong kind of guys to be attracted to you. If you have times where you actually are tempted by wanting some 'wrong kind of guy' to be attracted to you, I say this to you: "Run a mile". Run from it while you can. You will not be sorry in a few years' time, when the right kind of guy comes along. When you have the pleasure and the privilege of being treated properly by a good fella, you will not be sorry that you stuck to the right path.

~      ~      ~

And now I breathe a sigh of relief. I sigh with relief because I am in my mid-forties, and not in mid-teens. I sigh with relief because God,  in His goodness, gave me a guy from the 'decent bunch'. (He actually gave me more than just a decent guy, but that's for another time.) I did not get to marry my fella because it was what I deserved. God simply does 'more than we ask or think'. 


I am glad, like Dr Murray mentioned in his post, that I can say with him: "I'm so glad that I've just celebrated 21 years of married bliss. Who'd be a teenager all over again?" 


Previous posts:


What Girls want Guys to Know about Them

What the Guys Want the Girls to Know

Popular Girls Thoughts to the Guys

Popular Girls Thoughts to the Guys

Okay, I'm going to take some of the suggestions from the Girls' list that had multiple appearances. I'm assuming if they appeared again and again, then they must be somewhat important.


Here's the first of them:

I wish you knew how much it means when you are chivalrous and do small courteous

 things for us.

This came up four times in the written cards, so it must mean something to the girls! 


I have to agree with the young ladies who wrote this, but I do feel sorry for so many guys who have been left unsure of how to treat ladies by the constant onslaught of, 'We don't need you. We can do this on our own.'.


So my word to the fellas is: Treat the ladies like ladies. Be the gentleman. Open doors. Walk on the outside. If you find that you're with a girl who doesn't like these things and who walks away, well ... you may be better off finding that out before things get serious. I'm not sure a guy wants to spend his life with a woman who can't accept kindness, and who would leave you on edge, not knowing if you were going to offend her by doing the right thing.


The Right Thing is always the right thing to do. If you get slated for it .... you still did the right thing.

~       ~      ~

Girls like to feel loved and protected.

This was another comment that appeared multiple times, so again, I reckon it must be important. In many ways, it's a cross-over from the previous point, because being chivalrous towards a young lady tends to make her feel loved and protected. 


In addition to the chivalrous acts, I am guessing that the young ladies will also love to be protected by your not allowing anyone to disrespect her while you are around. A guy who would stand up to his mates to protect his girl from words and from suggestions that are inappropriate would, I'm guessing, be a real joy to a young lady. 


A simple, 'Don't speak to my girl like that' to the offender; or a quiet, 'Let's get out of here - I'm not having you put up with this' to the girl, would make any young lady feel very special.


Being protected includes physical protection too. Apart from the obvious protection of her good name and virtue, it also includes protecting her from physical harm. Guys - don't drive in a dangerous way. Yep, you are putting her (and yourself, of course) in way too much danger. Just don't.

~      ~      ~

Another point that came up a number of times was:

Don’t flirt with other girls.

That one is self-explanatory. Of course, this applies equally to both, but we're specifically looking at what the girls wanted the guys to know.


There is little more humiliating to a person than having their guy or their girl flirting with others. That is a No-No.


Don't ever mess with a girl's heart. And girls: don't you ever mess with a guy's heart.

~      ~      ~

This one is interesting:

Girls want guys to take the initiative and take leadership responsibilities.

Really? Is this still true? Girls really and truly want the guy to be the leader? 


Well, it appears so, because this point was the one that was repeated most times. And right now, I am feeling sorry for young guys. 


'What's a fella to do?' I hear. And no wonder they are confused. The barrage of 'we are equal partners' is at least confusing to guys who feel the natural inclination to lead, but who may be put off doing so by the onslaught over the past decades from the 'equality brigade'. I do, however, agree that taking the initiative and being the leader is a difficult one for guys to get right. And 'being boss' is different to 'being a good leader'. Many guys can lead, but to lead properly takes a lot of wisdom. The most important thing in leadership is for a guy to know God's Word, and then for him to know his girl. He must lead in the light of Scripture, and to do that, he must know what Scripture says. 


So fellas - study the Word. Know it, and then you can lead according to it.


And know your girl. 


Think about the kind of person she is, and her likes and dislikes. You may think it's a good, masculine thing to do if you decide on how you're going to spend your time together - every single time you are together. But if you lead her to the local park to play tennis at every opportunity and she hates playing tennis, then you are in real trouble! If you take her for a quiet meal every single time you are together and she would love to have some time playing tennis, or being with your family, or playing football with your mixed crowd of friends, again - you may end up in a spot of bother! So get to know your girl. Talk about what you like doing - and what you dislike doing. And when you talk: do more than just hear the words. Listen! Really listen to what's being said. When you are really willing to listen, you will get to know lots about her when she's talking with your mum, or with her sister, or in your crowd of friends. If friends say things she doesn't like, you will see it in her face. You're wise to look out for these things. If her face lights up when certain stories are told around her own dinner table, take note: this can teach you a lot about what makes her tick.


Being a good leader is not the same as being Boss. Ohhhh No. You ask a good employer, or a good and successful army general - they will tell you that a good leader carries his men with him - their hearts as well as their actions. And being a true leader in your relationship will mean carrying your girl's heart as well as her actions. 


(Girls, I'll speak more directly to you in the next post, but please hear this: When you're talking to your fella - whether you are a young couple not even engaged, or whether you have been married for decades - don't speak in riddles. In general, guys want the truth and whilst it's wise to be kind in the manner in which we tell them the truth, we still must tell it as it is. Guys are not mind-readers. And they tend not to want to play mind games either. If you don't want another tennis game tonight, don't go quiet and say "I'm fine" when he asks if you're okay. Just tell him that you'd love to do something else tonight. Even better - suggest what that might be. If he's got your heart, and you have his, then I'm guessing he'll be delighted to do what pleases you.)

~      ~      ~

There was one more that was mentioned several times, and here it is:

• Please be the first one to introduce yourself, otherwise you don’t look confident which is unattractive.

It would seem that young ladies like a man who's quietly confident without being brash. I suppose this links to the previous point, where the girls made clear they wanted their guys to be leaders, to take responsibility and to take the initiative. 


So guys: if you're naturally shy, try and get over it. Go and talk to the girl - after all, introducing yourself and beginning a conversation isn't rocket science. It also means the pressure isn't on the girl to go and make the introductions.

~       ~       ~

Blue Skies, No Wind, and Plenty Photos

The girls and I went to the beach yesterday afternoon to take some photos.


The day was sunny, and this was mid-afternoon, so the sun was beginning to set. There was also - and this is noteworthy - no wind.


Well, when I say no wind, I mean no wind by our standards. It was a really lovely day.

They even wore dresses for the occasion, and Catherine swapped her spotty wellies for little pumps.

Not sure why.

Then they climbed up onto a dune, just for the fun of watching me having to climb up after them.

I reached. Eventually. And clearly my daughters were taking this whole photo-shoot-thingy really seriously.

(see our house in the background)

Ahhh ... a nice pose.

Just keep it there girls.

Ahem. That was clearly long enough. 

And now you-know-who is in on the action.

Watching Jackson climb these soft-sand dunes was a treat.

An absolutely hilarious treat!

We then headed down to the beach itself...

Jackson had a ball running along the beach, and splashing in the waves.

See him go!

Of course, we couldn't possibly have ventured to the beach without the protection of....

Yes, you guessed it. Our warrior protector was there the whole time.

Fighting battles while we strolled, laughed and clicked the camera to our hearts' content.

I've already posted faaaaar too many photos, so I'll leave you with one of my favourites...

Close up, with the Butt in the background.

And remember: Butt = Top. Thank you

Good News

There is a blog I always read, even in my busiest times. It's called Spilled... because my cup overflows, and Davene, its author, has such a wonderful way with words. She also has four gorgeous wee boys, and often has photos of them, and writes of what they have said. Yes, this is a definite attraction for me.

Wee boys = delight

Well, recently she announced she was pregnant again. Would you believe me if I said that...

- I wasn't jealous in the slightest bit;

- I didn't feel broody; 

- I didn't sigh and say, 'Ahhhh, if only....', before I caught myself, gave myself a mental check, and thanked God for the four blessings I have been given. 

Well, back to Davene and her boys. These boys are cute. Really, really cute. Delightful. A pleasure. They are blessings. Adorable. 


It's got to be said that a mother is not lacking much when she has Christ, a wonderful husband and four gorgeous sons.


Well, as I said, Davene is pregnant again, and she has just announced she's expecting ..... a girl. 


A Girl!! 


Now, nobody could love wee boys more than I do, and I never looked at her blog and pitied her because she had all these boys and no girls, but I have to tell you that I squealed in delight when she told us she was having a girl. I was so excited for her that I really wanted to jump up and down and hug her - a lady I've never met! The whole thing got me thinking:


I was delighted when she announced she was pregnant, but why was I ecstatic when she told us it was a girl?


I know it wasn't because I prefer girls to boys.


I know it wasn't because I loved to dress girls in pink.


I know it's not because I loved to play with dolls with them.


I think it's because I have the blessing of having both. I am the mother of sons, and the mother of daughters. Both experiences are so precious to me: one is not better than the other, nor more precious to me. But they are different experiences.


One experience is not better; nor worse: not greater; nor lesser. Just different.


And now, God willing, Davene will be able to experience the blessing of being mother to a daughter as well as being mother to sons. I would wish for every mother to experience both.


I sure wouldn't swap either ... not for the world.


But I also wish for every dad to experience both. For Davene's husband, being the father of a daughter will be a whole new experience too. What I have seen of fathers and daughters gives me to believe that this relationship is truly special too. And if I were to ask any father who has been blessed with having a little girl what he thinks.... I reckon he wouldn't swap that for the world. Yes, Mr Spilled... all being well, this little bundle is gonna change your world. You are going to discover emotions of protectiveness you never knew existed. 


Oh boy! Look out anyone who doesn't treat this little girl right! Look out, I say!


And so, to Davene and to her husband, I wish all the blessings and joys that having a daughter can bring.


To the little girl? Well, don't tell anyone I said this, but what I honestly wish for her is that she may, one day, have a sister.


Shhhhh. I said don't tell anyone I just said that ;)

We're Home!

.....and boy, does it feel good to be home.

Here are some photos from Edinburgh, which was fabulous for so many reasons...

 

Emma's school orchestra had a concert and so we were able to hear and to see them play,

 

and then go out for late night coffees (for the mums) and juices for the girls.

Edinburgh is also good for..

 

  Katie going to the hairdresser and having her her cut short.

Eek!

 

for going out to dinner, 

 

and then going ice-skating,

 

and, of course, for shopping until you drop.

I did tell you that there would be a surprise on Friday. Well, there is, but you'll have to wait until tomorrow for me to tell y'all!

We'll call it Saturday Surprise and then it feels like it was supposed to be on Saturday.

Our Trip 1

Inverness is for ...

the castle

 

...with the monument to Flora MacDonald

 

for meeting friends ...

 

and for Birthday cake made by friends.

Thinking caps - get them on

We're going to set up a blog for the girls.


We have a few thoughts in terms of what to call it, but I thought we'd open it up.


Get your thinking caps on!


What would you choose for the girls' new blog?


Answers on a postcard. 


No, not really.... on the blog will be fine!