To the Girls ...

And so to the notes that the Guys repeated in the What we'd like Girls to Know category. There are four here that were said at least four times, so they are worth looking at, I reckon.

Guys can be nervous and shy too

I certainly don't doubt the truth of this, and in this world where our guys have been 'put down' for the past couple of decades I don't blame them. In that I'm not of the Guy-variety myself, but rather of the Girl-variety, you'd think my sympathies would lean more to the young ladies, but they don't. I really feel for our young men who must feel like they are walking a tight-rope.


"If I offer to help, do I get accused of being a chauvinist?"


"If I take the lead, will I be accused of being unfeeling and uncaring?"


"If I'm protective, will I be accused of suggesting she's a weakling?"


So I am not surprised that the fellas feel nervous and even shy, and I say this to the girls: Don't ever, ever give a fella more reason to be nervous. Make sure you treat young men in a right way. Don't disrespect them. Be very, very careful in teasing a guy - remember respect means a huge amount to the menfolk.


There's a reason that God's Word tells a husband to 'love his wife as Christ loved the church', but tells the wife to 'respect her husband'. Guys need respect, girls. Don't belittle a guy. Ever. What makes them more nervous than anything else is thinking that they might make a fool of themselves. 

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And then we have:

We have feelings too.

Seriously? You guys ... have feelings??


Okay, now I'm being facetious (although when I mentioned this one to a certain young man under my own roof, he looked rather scornful, and suggested that 'It must have been the Americans who wrote that'. Said like a true Scotsman!).


Much of what I said in connection with the previous comment would apply to this too. Remember girls, the fellas need respect.


But, like I was saying yesterday in connection with flirting with others, don't mess with anyone's heart. It is simply a No-No.

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Then we had this from the guys:

My phone number . 

You want the girls to have your phone number? Hmmmm. Considering that one of the girls' comments said:

Don’t give us your phone number.

...then I think this is a definite No! 

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And now on to one of the more serious, and the most repeated comment in what the Guys wanted the Girls to know:

Most guys lust quickly. You dress a little immodestly and our minds hit the gutter.

Now, I'm having to be honest here - there's part of me thinks doubtfully, 'Really? That really happens?'. And so, not being able to enter into the sentiments of this comment, I did some asking around. And this seems to be the consensus:


Yes, it's true. Immodestly dressed girls really do cause the guys' minds to 'hit the gutter'. Some of the comments I received  said things like.


"Girls dressed like that put me totally of in terms of ever having a relationship with that girl."


"Yes, it's sad but true - our minds go where they shouldn't when a girl has too little covered up."


"When I see that, it doesn't attract me to the girl one bit, but the damage is already done."


I honestly had to ask guys of a younger generation because - and this may simply be a generation thing - when I see immodestly dressed girls, I find it so unattractive, and so I struggle to imagine guys being attracted to it in any way. What I didn't seem to grasp is that although many of them find it distinctly UNattractive, yet it does cause them to stumble.


And so, girls, there are a number of reasons not to dress immodestly.


1. Scripture would have it so. It is clear that being immodestly dressed is not a Godly way for a young woman to appear. 1 Tim 2: 9 is a verse worth studying in this context, but there are other parts of Scripture which show that a man is drawn by what they see. And remember, God wants the best for you - that's why He gave us details such as this in His Word.


2. Your own dignity. Seriously girls, it is true that you are lowering your own esteem by dressing indecently. Remember who you are. Remember what you are - a wonderful and precious creation, made in the image of God. You are worth more than to go out in public with more showing than is decent.


3. You are going to attract the wrong kind of guy. Going by what I've learnt from the questions I asked, decent guys may stumble spiritually because of what you're wearing, but they are not attracted to it. I have to tell you - you do not want the wrong kind of guys to be attracted to you. If you have times where you actually are tempted by wanting some 'wrong kind of guy' to be attracted to you, I say this to you: "Run a mile". Run from it while you can. You will not be sorry in a few years' time, when the right kind of guy comes along. When you have the pleasure and the privilege of being treated properly by a good fella, you will not be sorry that you stuck to the right path.

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And now I breathe a sigh of relief. I sigh with relief because I am in my mid-forties, and not in mid-teens. I sigh with relief because God,  in His goodness, gave me a guy from the 'decent bunch'. (He actually gave me more than just a decent guy, but that's for another time.) I did not get to marry my fella because it was what I deserved. God simply does 'more than we ask or think'. 


I am glad, like Dr Murray mentioned in his post, that I can say with him: "I'm so glad that I've just celebrated 21 years of married bliss. Who'd be a teenager all over again?" 


Previous posts:


What Girls want Guys to Know about Them

What the Guys Want the Girls to Know

Popular Girls Thoughts to the Guys