Here's the first of them:
I wish you knew how much it means when you are chivalrous and do small courteous
things for us.
I have to agree with the young ladies who wrote this, but I do feel sorry for so many guys who have been left unsure of how to treat ladies by the constant onslaught of, 'We don't need you. We can do this on our own.'.
So my word to the fellas is: Treat the ladies like ladies. Be the gentleman. Open doors. Walk on the outside. If you find that you're with a girl who doesn't like these things and who walks away, well ... you may be better off finding that out before things get serious. I'm not sure a guy wants to spend his life with a woman who can't accept kindness, and who would leave you on edge, not knowing if you were going to offend her by doing the right thing.
The Right Thing is always the right thing to do. If you get slated for it .... you still did the right thing.
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Girls like to feel loved and protected.
This was another comment that appeared multiple times, so again, I reckon it must be important. In many ways, it's a cross-over from the previous point, because being chivalrous towards a young lady tends to make her feel loved and protected.
In addition to the chivalrous acts, I am guessing that the young ladies will also love to be protected by your not allowing anyone to disrespect her while you are around. A guy who would stand up to his mates to protect his girl from words and from suggestions that are inappropriate would, I'm guessing, be a real joy to a young lady.
A simple, 'Don't speak to my girl like that' to the offender; or a quiet, 'Let's get out of here - I'm not having you put up with this' to the girl, would make any young lady feel very special.
Being protected includes physical protection too. Apart from the obvious protection of her good name and virtue, it also includes protecting her from physical harm. Guys - don't drive in a dangerous way. Yep, you are putting her (and yourself, of course) in way too much danger. Just don't.
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Another point that came up a number of times was:
Don’t flirt with other girls.
There is little more humiliating to a person than having their guy or their girl flirting with others. That is a No-No.
Don't ever mess with a girl's heart. And girls: don't you ever mess with a guy's heart.
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This one is interesting:
Girls want guys to take the initiative and take leadership responsibilities.
Well, it appears so, because this point was the one that was repeated most times. And right now, I am feeling sorry for young guys.
'What's a fella to do?' I hear. And no wonder they are confused. The barrage of 'we are equal partners' is at least confusing to guys who feel the natural inclination to lead, but who may be put off doing so by the onslaught over the past decades from the 'equality brigade'. I do, however, agree that taking the initiative and being the leader is a difficult one for guys to get right. And 'being boss' is different to 'being a good leader'. Many guys can lead, but to lead properly takes a lot of wisdom. The most important thing in leadership is for a guy to know God's Word, and then for him to know his girl. He must lead in the light of Scripture, and to do that, he must know what Scripture says.
So fellas - study the Word. Know it, and then you can lead according to it.
And know your girl.
Think about the kind of person she is, and her likes and dislikes. You may think it's a good, masculine thing to do if you decide on how you're going to spend your time together - every single time you are together. But if you lead her to the local park to play tennis at every opportunity and she hates playing tennis, then you are in real trouble! If you take her for a quiet meal every single time you are together and she would love to have some time playing tennis, or being with your family, or playing football with your mixed crowd of friends, again - you may end up in a spot of bother! So get to know your girl. Talk about what you like doing - and what you dislike doing. And when you talk: do more than just hear the words. Listen! Really listen to what's being said. When you are really willing to listen, you will get to know lots about her when she's talking with your mum, or with her sister, or in your crowd of friends. If friends say things she doesn't like, you will see it in her face. You're wise to look out for these things. If her face lights up when certain stories are told around her own dinner table, take note: this can teach you a lot about what makes her tick.
Being a good leader is not the same as being Boss. Ohhhh No. You ask a good employer, or a good and successful army general - they will tell you that a good leader carries his men with him - their hearts as well as their actions. And being a true leader in your relationship will mean carrying your girl's heart as well as her actions.
(Girls, I'll speak more directly to you in the next post, but please hear this: When you're talking to your fella - whether you are a young couple not even engaged, or whether you have been married for decades - don't speak in riddles. In general, guys want the truth and whilst it's wise to be kind in the manner in which we tell them the truth, we still must tell it as it is. Guys are not mind-readers. And they tend not to want to play mind games either. If you don't want another tennis game tonight, don't go quiet and say "I'm fine" when he asks if you're okay. Just tell him that you'd love to do something else tonight. Even better - suggest what that might be. If he's got your heart, and you have his, then I'm guessing he'll be delighted to do what pleases you.)
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There was one more that was mentioned several times, and here it is:
It would seem that young ladies like a man who's quietly confident without being brash. I suppose this links to the previous point, where the girls made clear they wanted their guys to be leaders, to take responsibility and to take the initiative.
So guys: if you're naturally shy, try and get over it. Go and talk to the girl - after all, introducing yourself and beginning a conversation isn't rocket science. It also means the pressure isn't on the girl to go and make the introductions.
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