2/09/2016

Change ... Friend? or Foe?





Sometimes change is good. We often hear expressions like, 'A change is as good as a rest', or 'The change will do you good'.

But what about when Change comes uninvited. Maybe not unexpected, but still uninvited.

That's what happens to us parents at this stage of our lives. Change arrives. It may knock politely, it may hang around outside for a while, warning you of its proximity. It may come with the sweetest smile on its face. But it comes, and nothing can hold it back.

The past year has seen so many changes in our lives. None of them have been tragic. None of them have caused sorrow and grief - unlike the case for so many people, some of whom are known to me and very dear to me. None of the changes have broken my heart, and yet ... there's a 'but still....'.

One of the changes for us was our selling of our house. I know a house is simply bricks and mortar, but a home isn't. And the house in which we'd lived for the past dozen years was more than four walls and furniture. 

It was home. 

It was where our older children became teenagers and lived all their teen lives; it was where the Wee Guy went from being a toddler to being the Wee Guy, and even where he ceased to be the Wee Guy and became Calum Stewart. It was where we lived and loved and laughed. A lot.

This was where dozens of friends and relatives came and visited and holidayed with us. 




Some came from as far away as America's West Coast, 




while others came for more regular family gatherings from just 'up the road'.




Rows of colourful wellies on a bonfire night. Their being lined up here is evidence that the bonfire is now beginning to recede, the fireworks display is over, and we are all inside having our fill of food and chat.


It's where countless cups of tea were made and enjoyed with countless cakes and biscuits, along with countless 'blethers'. How many new recipes were tried out in our kitchen, giving even more excuse for the kettle to go on so we could have 'just a wee taste' of this new creation?






We will have no more Bonfire Nights on cold November evenings. No more Boxing Day get-togethers, eating left-overs from the previous day, along with endless supplies of chocolate.

And no more homeschool get-togethers either.



Friends and their children celebrating Independence Day with us for one of our homeschool days



Whether for our 4th of July celebrations, or our Thanksgiving Days, or for no-particular-reason days, we had some wonderful times with the other homeschooling families on the island. That was then ...



...these are some of the things that made our house Home.






Although, even more than all these great times, it was the people in these photos that made our house Home. 

See, we left our home last year, and moved to another house. Yes, another home. The Builder began in a new place of work, changing much of what he'd known for the previous decade - decades! 

But a change of place of abode, and a change of employment has been nothing to us in comparison with us not being a complete family any more. No - let me correct myself. We are a complete family: we simply don't live under the same roof now. 

And that has been the change I've found hardest. As I said at the beginning of the post, it is not a tragedy; it is not a cause for grieving. But Change has come, opened the doors, taken what it had to, and left a draughty feel to the house. It will simply take some time for the dust to settle, and the place to warm up again because I have been a Mum for all the life I can remember, and being Mum is almost all I can be. The Builder has been Dad for all the life he can remember (isn't it funny how life before kids almost passes into non-existence?), and it's tough getting used to not seeing each one of our children every single day. It takes some getting used to. We were so accustomed to knowing everything they wore, everything they ate, and everywhere they were. 

Every day. 

Change has changed everything. 

I am just so thankful that whilst the family under my roof was halved in one swoop, we are blessed to have two of our kids still with us. Oh yes, all being well (yes, I said, 'well', and meant it), Change will come in the years to come and some day it'll be the Builder and I, and all the kids will have flown the nest. 

C' est la vie.

And, truthfully, despite the pangs in my heart, I wouldn't have it any other way.

I have every reason to be thankful: Catherine is married to the man she loves. She loves him; he loves her; they both love the Lord.... What more could I wish for? Truthfully, nothing.

DR is studying, and working, and enjoying life living with my sister and her family. Now she gets to do his laundry, pick up after him, and listen to him wax lyrical on subjects ranging from politics to history to politics to coffee flavours to politics to sport. 


And I still have this one ...




I still have both of these!




And I get to have everyone at Christmas!


I don't write all this to gain your sympathy - I have no reason to need sympathy! But this is where I am right now, and this is where my heart is. I'll always, from now on, have more of an idea of what parents feel like when a daughter gets married, or when a son leaves home. I'll know better, because I'm living there right now. 

Change may be good. Our changes are good. But when we've been used only to the slight alterations that come when toddlers become children, and children become teenagers, and homeschooled kids become students, or workers, then this kind of change feels a bit seismic. 

I'm going to finish now with two or three sentences.

1. I am not complaining about any of these changes: I have nothing to complain about, and each change is a cause for joy. I honestly do know that, and feel it.

2. I'm glad that the Builder is staying. I'm glad that marriage is permanent, and that he won't be 'moving on'. :)

3. I'm even more glad that there is One who never changes, who will never leave us nor forsake us, and in Whose company I will yet be - not for a while, but for all Eternity.

Now, that will be a change for the better! 


30 comments:

  1. Oh my. These changes we know are inevitable but you can take heart on knowing the wide world is a far better place having your well-loved family in it. Peace and blessings to you from an almost "empty-nester".

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    1. Thank you, Sharon. We'll compare notes when we're actually empty nesters, right?
      Anne x

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  2. Oh my. These changes we know are inevitable but you can take heart on knowing the wide world is a far better place having your well-loved family in it. Peace and blessings to you from an almost "empty-nester".

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  3. I appreciate you sharing your perspective! You have a beautiful heart of love for your family.

    I am so far from the empty nest stage that I can just barely see it, somewhere way down the track. But since Benjamin was born, I have OFTEN thought, "There is really something special about the next five years. After five years, Josiah will be 18 and will likely have 'left home' in some way, whether to go to college or some other adventure. But these next five years when we're all still together at home are such a treasure, and I don't want it to speed by without me savoring it."

    Thank you for the reminder to do just that!

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    1. I know you do savour it, Davene. The love in your home is evident for us all to see. I loved the teen years - no, they were totally free of challenges - but overall, they were such a delight and I loved that stage of the kids' lives.
      Enjoy it all...
      Love, Anne x

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  4. These changes are hard and you've experienced them all at once nearly! It's a shock to the system, I know.

    Our oldest (a son) moved out first, but then his fiance' and daughter lived with us (he was living at my parents house). Then our oldest daughter got married, our son's family moved into their own place, and another daughter went out of state for Bible School. In the course of 6 months, we were down to 5 of us at home! Now my oldest girl at home has a part time job and is often not here at dinner time. We are finally getting used to it but it is strange to set the table for four!

    We, like you, are happy for our kids - married, and most of them are walking with the Lord too! We have the added benefit of all of them living close by for now too.

    All this to say "I understand!" :)

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    1. Yes, you are at a similar stage... SO many changes! Hard to keep up, but it's lovely to have them at least around about.

      And yes, we understand when we've gone through it in a way we'd never have understood before.
      Love, and hugs to you too, Anne x

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  5. It is still change. A new normal. My fouth child, my second son, got married in January. I feel I am still reeling, and I haven't hardly gone in his room since he got married and moved away. So I still have two at home, but as my nest becomes emptier, I find at Ruth Graham said, you just make the most of the comings and not so much of the leavings. I am thankful for the gifts of the new members of our family. I am so thankful for my husband who like you said won't be leaving. I am glad we will be we after 35 years, but still. It hurts and you can't really explain it to anyone unless they are there. It is good and we are blessed, but yes, bits of mourning come into it sometimes when you least expect it.
    I keep telling myself, change is good. :) Blessing to you on this new path that God is lovingly leading you down.

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    1. Aww thank you. You totally understand, I can hear it in your message.
      Love, Anne x

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  6. Poor Marina....that's all I'll say on the matter!

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    1. Lol .... you may be 'anonymous', but I know exactly who you are!
      Anne x

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  7. I remember just how lost I felt when our oldest daughter moved out. She was so much like me and we had such good times together. Yes, her sister was still here but it just felt like there was such a piece of me missing.

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    1. Yes, exactly Carol! Just like a bit of you has gone...
      Thank you for understanding, and for leaving me a message
      Anne x

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  8. Beautiful post, Anne!
    I think I may be on the verge...with a son likely leaving 😀..
    Though for several years I've looked round the table knowing that the scene may change quickly. A bit melancholy, but rather exciting also. I, like you, am excited to see where the Lord takes them and how He uses them!..
    But because of your post, will cherish seeing all my sweet faces every night a bit more!

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    1. Yes, Keri ... savour every minute of it. I know you will
      Love, Anne x

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  9. Last year my husband changed his job. The whole time (19 years) that I have known him, he has worked shifts and through house moves and 4 children this has been what we have worked life around. He finally started a Monday to Friday with one weekend in four job. It is astounding how hard I have found it..... I am used to it now but it took several months. It really surprised me. But like you, I am thankful he has work and thankful he works so hard for his family. This year may bring a house move too. My youngest was born in this house and although we have only been here for 5.5 years a lot has happened here.... Our home ed started here, a lot of our service for the Lord is based here, we have done major work here. A move will mean more much needed space but will still pull at my heart strings. I cannot begin to imagine what it will be like when my 4 begin to leave home.

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    1. Yes, even these changes are - well, *changes*! We really are creatures of habit, aren't we :)
      Thanks for messaging ... and enjoy every minute with those kiddos!
      Love, Anne x

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  10. Last year my husband changed his job. The whole time (19 years) that I have known him, he has worked shifts and through house moves and 4 children this has been what we have worked life around. He finally started a Monday to Friday with one weekend in four job. It is astounding how hard I have found it..... I am used to it now but it took several months. It really surprised me. But like you, I am thankful he has work and thankful he works so hard for his family. This year may bring a house move too. My youngest was born in this house and although we have only been here for 5.5 years a lot has happened here.... Our home ed started here, a lot of our service for the Lord is based here, we have done major work here. A move will mean more much needed space but will still pull at my heart strings. I cannot begin to imagine what it will be like when my 4 begin to leave home.

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  11. Totally understand, this last year I went from having all six of my kids at home to moving from the east coast of the USA to the Midwest, hubby getting a new job shift work for the first time in 12 years, a son staying in NY he's 24, a daughter getting married and staying in NY and then once we moved the next two boys going to college and not being here most of the time. Leaving me with only 2 children at home, far from family and friends. But it's a new adventure and after about 6 months getting used to it. Also we moved from 7 acres of hills to a city neighborhood.

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    1. Oh wow - MAJOR changes! How are you enjoying the city neighbourhood after your country living? What a difference! And with all these family changes too ...
      Every blessing in your new normal :)
      Love, Anne x

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  12. Oh how this resonates with me. Last year both of our children got married . . . . 49 days apart. It is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I know some parents can't wait for their kids to leave home. NOT US!!! Our kids are just awesome. We never had a problem with them. And to make it even harder, our daughter married a young man in the Marine Corps stationed in California . . . 1,800 miles away (we live in Missouri). Talk about tough. I cried until I didn't think I had any tears left, and then cried some more. You know that time is coming . . . but you aren't ready for it. It is a lot like mourning. At least that is how it felt for me. I have made one trip out to visit my daughter in California. She came home for a week just before Christmas, and is going to be home for 2 weeks in 16 days (not that I'm counting LOL) while her husband is away on a training mission. He will be deployed overseas from May through November and she will be coming home to work and continue college while he is away. I hate for him to be gone . . . but selfishly am so happy she will be with us for six months. Our son and his wife live just about 10 minutes away, so we see them more often. But still, its not the same. And I guess the hardest part is accepting that it is never going to be the same. They are grown, they are married, and it's just me and my husband. We've been married 30 years and he is a great husband and father. I truly do know how you feel. And no, you don't want sympathy, I don't want sympathy. But it does help to know that you aren't the only mom out there that wishes should could turn back time. Prayers for you and your family! Blessings from friend!

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    1. Oh, that'll be lovely for you to have her 'back home', even if the reason isn't so ideal from her point of view. You will enjoy every minute, I know. I followed your trip out to California, and loved seeing your photos from there.
      Yes, it's the 'never gonna be the same again' ...that really gets us, isn't it.
      Love from across the miles, and thank you for understanding
      Love and every blessing, Anne x

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  13. Thank you so much for this piece and for the one on the Lord as our Shepherd, they have encouraged me today. In the last 7 years I have lost 1 parent, seen the other be swallowed up by dementia, our eldest son has walked away from the Lord & also moved away from home, and we have moved to a new-to-us country. Right now our 2nd child is on another continent & there are only 3 of us left in this new house. People in the culture around us are lovely, but it's still not quite home. I'm NOT complaining, but as some of the others have said, there is sometimes a need to mourn what is gone, as well as to look forward. I do believe we're meant to be in this new place, but that doesn't guarantee it'll be easy. So I'm all the more grateful for biblical reminders of God's loving care for us in the midst of what have seemed like deep waters. Thanks for writing these pieces.

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    1. Oh, my dear, you have a LOT to contend with :( . I'm so sorry for the loss of your mum and dad - albeit in different ways - and I'm not sure which is easier to bear. ((hugs))
      I will pray for your son. I don't know his name, or yours, but the Lord knows. He will know who I am praying for. That is tough, my dear lady.
      Thank you for leaving a message. Feel free to email me any time: anneemag23@aol.com
      Love and every blessing, Anne x

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  14. Anne,
    You surely have my sympathy and understanding as well. I so completely feel and relate to all that you have said. When our children left home, I didn't realize how hard it would be on me/ us. It seemed like I really mourned. Yes, it is very difficult; and even though changes are good, and we are trying to raise them with the idea of doing well on their own, right? , it is still very difficult for us that they are away from us... especially when you have homeschooled them and had them there with you all those years.

    You will be leaving behind lovely memories to be sure, you have some wonderful memories that will remain with you forever. We are still in transition, between two states. Although, I am here in Colorado and have been for the last 6 months, with Steve until we get all sold and finalized. We have had many inquiries, and have a feeling as if things are going to come together in the near future. The property we are wanting to purchase in Florida is still for sale, so that is a hopeful thing as well. We had a wonderful 2 month visit with Nathan and his family when they were here in the fall and the girls and their families were here through part of January and into February, which has been soooo nice. Love to see your updates on your new life Anne. Keep us posted now and then with pictures etc.
    XOXO
    Pam

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    1. Pam, I think of you so often these days, and have over the past year really, with your move - and soooo lovely to be near your lovely girls and their families. But I do hope you will soon be sold up and truly settled in FL.
      How lovely to have had Nathan and the family, and the girls. Let me know when your sale goes through.
      Lovely to get your message
      Love, Anne x

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  15. I'm a reader from Canada, and us moms are the same the world over, I think. At least the ones that truly love their children. Our oldest two, both daughters, got married last year within six months of each other, and oh, it is hard to experience that change! Everything you said rings so true with me, and I am right there with you. May the Lord help smooth over the transition for you and your husband, and may the new normal become comfortable very soon. I know what you mean about not looking for sympathy, but oh, you miss your "baby"!

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    1. TWO of them, Lisa?!! O dear, that is a LOT of emotion in such a short time. We are so very thankful that our other daughter is still here with us (as is our youngest son).... But yes, the Lord does smooth over the transition, doesn't He :)
      Every blessing, Anne x

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  16. Oh Anne. I have to chuckle a little. I'm the eldest of 5 and I remember my mother in this position. Right now we are in the beginning of our family with 6, 4, 15mo and a 4th on the way! My husband has been a farmer for his whole life. At 16 I knew when I married him-a few yrs later-he'd always be one. Then at 30 we regrouped and it was so odd. How to adjust mentally and emotionally to new roles and schedules. Its such a mix bag of emotions. I do have to really chuckle. I was searching for "this Blogger I remember from northern Scotland in a little place that sounded so fun to visit" and look and behold. I found you! Even more amazing, while my kids started coming your children grew up! I couldn't believe it. Much prayer to you and your family during all these transitions. As the oldest in the busy family it was a huge difference to go to being a married gal with just us two! Your Catherine may be adjusting quite a bit herself:-)

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    1. Aw, Stefani, what a lovely comment! Lovely to link up again, and please keep in touch xx

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