Ten Things I'll Never Regret

I've had this post sitting in my Drafts for some weeks, but before I posted it, Tim Challies posted his very similar post called 18 Things I Will Not Regret Doing with my Kids. 

When I saw that, I thought, 'well I can't very well post my very similar sounding post'. Why? Well, because folks could think I was copying him, but worse - much worse - y'all may go comparing.

Being compared with Tim Challies' blog isn't what most of us want out of life.

And so I waited. Mr Challies then, very inconsiderately, decided to add 18 Things I will Not Regret Doing with my Wife blog post.

And so I waited. Finally, his wife posted her excellent 18 Things I will Not Regret Doing with my Husband.

Y'all really need to head over and read them. But one condition: no comparing.

And so to my original post:


Despite my many regrets at my very many failings as a mother, right now I'm going to do a very un-Highland thing, and look at the bright side.

Here are ten things I will not regret about these past years. They are in no particular order:


1. Taking the plunge

Homeschooling was almost unheard of here when we began on this journey; I cannot remember receiving any personal words of encouragement from any person, and yet, doing what we knew God was calling us to do is first on my no-regrets list.

Most homeschoolers will testify to the fact that homeschooling is so much more than 'schooling at home'. It really is a complete way of life. There are some aspects of it I'd do differently if I was starting out now, but still ... I don't think I'll ever stop being amazed at God's leading of us into this wonderful life.


2. Open home

We have often had the kids' friends in our home, and I will always be glad we did. We have loved getting to know these teenagers, and it's been to our benefit to have had an open-door home. Our distance from town means we don't have the young folks getting together in our home as often as we'd like, but not once will I regret any of the times our home has been invaded by some great groups of kids.

This also means that our friends are also our children's friends. In general, our troops don't see age as a barrier to a person being their friend. For that, I'm very, very glad.

Many times, we have had a packed Lounge, filled with the Lord's people who are ready to talk all night about what God has been doing in their lives, or about what they've read or heard of God's Word recently. These blessings are impossible to put into words.


3. Reading aloud
I think I would say that my favourite part of our 'school' day is our time of reading aloud. 'One more chapter, Mum. Pleeeeease', is the norm when I go to close the book. And let's face it - who can resist a wee fella's pleas?

Not me!

Whether we were homeschooling or not, reading aloud is definitely a habit I'd be recommending. So far, our favourite books have included the whole Little House series and the Viking Quest series.


4. Watching movies ... together
And only having one Goggle box (although laptops and ipads have negated some of this benefit, admittedly). We've had lovely family nights of filling our coffee table with chocolates, ice-creams, cups of tea, cans of juice (hate 'em), and shoving a DVD into the player.

These nights have, admittedly, resulted in whole conversations around our dinner table being quoted from one movie or another.

Frank from Father of the Bride is Catherine's speciality. Her Frank impressions normally lead me to looking at the Builder and saying, in my most serious voice, 'Mr Bennett, life holds few distinctions, but I believe I can truly say that here we have some of the silliest girls in Scotland'.


5. Family holiday
In 2008, we headed across The Pond for our very first family holiday. By that stage, we'd been married for about eighteen years, and we'd never been able to have a real, money-costing, family holiday.

We could have used the money to finish our house completely and especially to have made our drive suitable for all vehicles and not just off-road 4x4 types. And yes, all these years later, our drive is still full of water-filled holes, but you know what...? I wouldn't swap that first amazing family holiday, and the incredible memories it created, for any amount of tarmac.

Our trip = priceless.


6. Being interested
Our older kids may think I'm nosy, but I prefer calling it 'interested'. Staying interested (or nosy, if you insist) in every detail of their lives is something I reckon they'll be glad for some day. I'm trying to stay interested in the Wee Guy's incessant ramblings about football, but I have to be honest in saying that it's getting to be a struggle. (And yes, Mother, I do realise this is pay-back for the countless conversations you had to endure from us about that very same subject. But at least it was Rangers then  ... not just facts and figures about players, squads, positions, transfer fees, number of goals scored last season, number of goals scores this season ... on and on and on.)

Y'all get my drift?

However, back to the point ... I will never regret the times I have been interested in all aspects of the kids' lives. Even the times my probing has got on their nerves ...

I'm counting on them being glad one day.


7. Hugging
Some of my kids are naturally more huggy than others, but all our kids get hugged.

A lot. And I will never regret it. Sometimes, when we are too tired to talk, or when it's not easy to find the appropriate words, hugs are the way to go.

I'm glad that, even as our older children have grown up, our habit of giving and receiving hugs, and of sitting snuggled up together on the sofa has not left us.


8. Mum first
Sometimes, as the children got older, it was tempting to be their Friend first and their Mum second, but I am glad that I often risked them thinking ill of me because I realised that my primary responsibility was to be a parent. Being their friend came second to my role of discipling, leading, guiding and disciplining. There's a fine line here when our kids grow into their teen years, and on many levels they are our friends.

Tough love ... Sometimes, it's just gotta be done.


9. Talking
Who? Me?? Talking???

I will never regret all kinds of opportunities we took to talk. Sometimes these talks took the form of one-to-ones in the car, in the kitchen, or sitting on a bed;  sometimes they were family affairs around the table, or snuggled on the sofas in the Family Room.

At times, they were Talks. You know what I mean by Talks. If you lower your voice by about five octaves, give yourself a double chin and say, 'a Talk', you will know exactly what I mean.

A child may have something weighing heavily on his or her heart. He or she may have done something they now regret. There may be a need for them to talk through a situation in which they're struggling to find the 'right way' as opposed to the 'wrong way'.

Other talks are simply times of blethering. Yarns about work, about friends, about the movie we just watched, about football (See #6), or about their latest holiday plans. We may begin reminiscing about fun times we've had in the past, or they'll begin talking about the Youth Conference they attended in Grand Rapids, or the one they were at much closer to home, in Arbroath.

Many times, our blethers end in, ahem, some heated talk. Often times they end with some of us rolling on the floor, weak laughing! Either way, as the old adage goes: It's good to talk...


10. God's Word
This is the bottom line and my constant advice to them. Search the Scriptures, steep yourselves in the Word, get to know the Author and what He has to say to you.

This is what will give our kids the wisdom they need for the rest of their lives. I wish I spent more - much more - time reading God's Word, and teaching it to our kids, but I will never regret a minute of the time we have spent reading it, discussing it, listening to sermons on it. I hope our kids know that knowing the Word that was made flesh, Christ Jesus, as their Saviour, and living to His glory is what I've wanted for them since they were born ... before they were born, in fact.

~      ~      ~

What would you add to this list? Remember, it's things we do not regret.... my life is full enough of things I do regret: this post is looking at the other side.

It'll be some time before I see the sun setting while I sit in my favourite chair. I'm adding this photo simply because I like to savour these sunsets even at this time of year. Or maybe especially at this time of year. 

I'm only allowing myself a list of ten, but I may just sneak in here one more non-regret: I do not regret my regular oohing and ahhing over God's amazingly beautiful creation.

My Personal Shoppers

We lived in Glasgow when our three older kids were young. They are fairly close to each other in age, and one of the least favourite parts of my week was the weekly shopping. Shopping for our groceries with three kids, all aged four or under, was not the most pleasant of tasks!

All you mums of young kids  know what I'm saying, I reckon.

But earlier this week...

... this happened.

And today, Catherine and Katie are heading off to town to do The Shopping. It honestly seems like it's only a couple of years since I was pushing that massive trolley around with three kids in it as well as the food.

And now, they are doing the shopping for me.

'Blink and you miss it' comes to mind, when I think of our kids' childhoods. I know things can be tough going at times when the kids are young. When I was at that stage with the wee ones, the Builder was never really around until late evenings, and he even worked every Saturday morning, so I had to do the shopping with the kids and without him - otherwise, his only few hours off, on a Saturday afternoon, were spent in ASDA! 

So today, I say to young mums everywhere: be encouraged. I urge you to try and get as much enjoyment out of the kids as you can when they are young. And on really tough days, remember this: It will be over in a flash.

And when these more tiring days pass, you have the pleasure of kids with whom you can have wonderful conversations, and with whom you can laugh. A lot.

Conversation and laughter are two of the most wonderful gifts you can have with your older children. But they probably come when you've had plenty of both with your younger children.

What the Guys want the Girls to Know

On Saturday I posted What Girls wanted Guys to Know About Them. Here is the list of the things that guys want the girls to know about them. Again, I've taken the list from HeadHandHeart's blog.

Guys can be nervous and shy too (x4).

We have feelings too (x4).

Guys work hard.

We are not as emotional.

Men prefer women to let them know that they have feelings for them. Many men are shy of that aspect.

Just be straightforward and don’t be confusing.

Don’t lead guys on when you really have no interest in them. Guys can have a hard time figuring out whether you are really interested.

Most guys aren’t as tough as they try to look. They try to look the part but really need women.

My sister is very strict.

My phone number (x4).

Most guys won’t wait around for a girl they like, if she just strings them along.

Guys are human too, they need encouragement.

If our friends don’t talk to us for a week, we don’t think that they hate us.

It’s nice when you tell us how you feel instead of giving us the cold shoulder.

Choosing one from so many wonderful young ladies is hard.

We are programmed to lead.

Make me a sandwich.

We wear the pants (trousers for British readers!)

We’re not as emotional as you might want us to be.

Pretty is great but being able to change tires and do other practical things is great too.

I find more modestly dressed women attractive.

Even though I don’t appear nice, I’m more nice to people I get to know better.

We don’t understand girl’s subtleties, like body language, your words, the way you act. Tell us straight!

Guys tend to be very visual, therefore dress and actions can easily promote lust and sinful thoughts.

Sometimes guys are quiet just because they are interested in you! Just because they ignore you, doesn’t mean they don’t like you.

Guys are vulnerable. They way a girl dresses and speaks holds a lot of power on the way a guy thinks.

Girls look just as good without all the makeup.

To a guy who truly loves a girl, looks are just a small part of the attraction, although we do love the physical part – confusing!

Guys aren’t all the same. Each guy thinks very different from the other.

Most guys lust quickly. You dress a little immodestly and our minds hit the gutter (x5).

Guys love easy-going girls. Take it easy on us and let us do our thing.

No guys like shopping for hours!! Except for sports equipment!

Guys don’t need to spend too much time in the mirror in the morning.

Sometimes we don’t fell like talking That doesn’t mean we don’t love you.

We are practical.

We are logical (generally).

We’re not scary to talk to.

Men like good food.

When you make us a sandwich, please also bring us a drink.

Sometimes guys have a hard time starting conversation. So girls should start conversations too.

“Great, now make me a sandwich!”

Again, some of them are light-hearted. Some more serious.


Tomorrow, we'll have a closer took at some of the 'picks' from the first list. We may even try and imagine what it is to be a teenager and decipher what really is being said. That ought to be fun!


For now, which of the ones from the list (above) made you stop and think, or laugh, or shake your head?

What Girls want Guys to Know About Them

One of the workshops at the camp at which DR and Catherine were asked the girls the question:


"What would you want guys to know about girls?". 


I'll put the whole list here, taken from HeadHandHeart - it's rather long but I'll leave it unedited, and next week I'll post the list that the guys gave of "stuff we'd like girls to know about us". 

Sometimes just a hug is better than words.

Girls do not enjoy your jokes about women in the kitchen.

I wish guys would understand that they are marshmallows underneath. It doesn’t matter, because we are too!

Please protect our purity.

When a girl says she is “Fine” take a second to break down that four-letter-word: Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional. When girls say they are “Fine,” chances is they aren’t!

Holding doors open and being the gentleman is completely cool.

When you ask me out, be ready to be the man of a relationship, and make me a top priority.

I wish you knew how much it means when you are chivalrous and do small courteous things for us (x4).

Girls like to feel loved and protected (x3).

We don’t always know what we want.

If you take charge, we will let you.

Take charge, be bold, and just ask us out (or ask for my Dad’s number).

Girls are emotional, they need to cry it out sometimes, even if they don’t like to let you see it, and if they don’t always want to talk about it (especially if it has something to do with you).

Girls want guys to respect them and to listen to them; not mock them.

Girls like attention, but not to the point where they feel watched or uncomfortable.

Girls can tell if a guy is constantly watching them. It makes just being around that guy very uncomfortable.

Girls, whether they want to or not, are continually pressured by the media on how they should look, dress, and act. Standards are set that are unrealistic and hard to meet. So guys, remember this esteem struggle girls have and could really use an honest compliment every now and then.

Make your own sandwich.

Girls hate it when guys are two-faced.

Don’t lie to a girl to avoid arguments.

We don’t like it when you try to show-off.

Don’t flirt with other girls (x3).

Girls want guys to take the initiative and take leadership responsibilities (x6).

Please be the first one to introduce yourself, otherwise you don’t look confident which is unattractive (x3).

There’s more to us than you think. We love to laugh. We come in different shapes and sizes.

Girls eat too. We are not supermodels.

We find it quite attractive when you’re holding a baby.

Some girls purposely ignore the guy they like, even though it sounds totally backwards.

If you like a girl, talk to her. If you’re nervous, just pick a casual setting like playing soccer or walking to the campfire and just chat to her. Trust me, girls are good at talking and will fill in the silences.

If you are interested in us, don’t be scared to come and talk to us. We don’t bite! We could be interested in you as well and are just waiting for you to make the first move.

We’d love if guys knew that they should pay attention to us because then we wouldn’t have to tell them everything we feel.

After spending time to get ready a girl loves to be complimented on the time spent.

If you like a girl, be her friend first; don’t rush things – she has to know and trust you.

We like to talk things out.

A positive thing said by a guy to me can make me smile and feel good for a whole day. A negative thing, however, no matter if they meant to say it or not, can turn me down for days and weeks. Sometimes a guy’s opinion is more important for us than a girl’s opinion.

Sometimes we don’t know or understand our own feelings so we have a hard time revealing/expressing our true feelings. That’s why we appear to speak a “different language.”

Girls like to know they are appreciated.

Just ask what is wrong. Ask to talk about it. When you do that, it is like WOW.

Don’t give us your phone number.

We don’t understand your silence. We aren’t all that scary.

I wish guys knew that it doesn’t matter if they aren’t ripped!

Speak to us!

I wish guys knew that we don’t care about if they are good looking, just as long as they are themselves, not arrogant or false – good looks would be great as well 

Apologize. Ask for forgiveness. It means a lot and the majority of girls will forgive and it will clear the air.

Communication is huge. Girls tend to imagine worst-case scenarios.

Doing things like flips off the pier to catch our attention or smoking or drinking is a turn off and not impressive.

I wish guys understood how saddening it is, as a girl, to know that the guy she will marry cannot be entirely loyal in his mind, due to the immodesty and sexual temptation this society is saturated in.

Don’t only tell me you love me, show me you do!

Be fun, humorous, and positive, but know when to be serious and know when not to joke around.

Tell her she is beautiful, treat her like she is the best.

We do not appreciate your jokes about us belonging in the kitchen, and no, I will not make you a sandwich (just kidding).

We have a huge amount of respect for them when they lead in prayer, devotions, etc., even if they are nervous.

Know who you are, know what you believe, and have a vision!

How you treat/respect your mother and sisters tells me a lot about how you will treat your wife.

We girls like to be told we look nice. It’s not awkward, really.

Girls like to be encouraged in trying to dress modestly. It can be hard to go so much against our culture. You can be looked down on sometimes because of it.

 I can cook!

I'd love to discuss some of them over the next couple of days with y'all. Let me know which ones make you think, 'Yes! That is so true'. 


And which ones make you think, 'No, no, no! That is not important at all!'.

The Answer to the Riddle

Well, a few of you were able to solve the riddle, but for those of you slowly but surely going mad, here is the answer:


It's Jonah's Whale....


Re-read it, and see how the whale that swallowed Jonah fits it all.

God formed the first man out of dust, 

but first made me, in purpose just;

So I was made before the man,

to answer God's most holy plan.

My body He did make complete,

but without arms or legs or feet;

My ways and acts He did control,

but to my body gave no soul.

A living being I became,

and Adam gave to me a name;

I from his presence then withdrew, 

and never more of Adam knew.

I did my Maker's law obey,

not from it ever went astray;

Thousands of miles I go in fear,

but seldom on the earth appear.

For purpose wise which God did see,

He put a living soul in me;

Days few - and nights - passed by, and then

He took from me that soul again.

When I had thus His will obeyed,

I was the same as when first made;

and without arms or legs or soul.

I travel on from Pole to Pole.

I move with easy by day and night,

to fallen man give great delight;

Thousands of people, young and old,

do by my death great light behold.

No right or wrong can I conceive,

the Scriptures I can not believe;

to heaven above, I cannot go,

nor to the grave, or hell below.

Now when these lines you closely read, 

go search the Bible with all speed;

For that my name's recorded there

I honestly to you declare.

And now I'm off to look at more of DR and Catherine's photos from their amazing three week holiday to Canada and the USA. Undoubtedly, I shall hear more stories too. They don't tire of telling them, and I don't tire of listening.


To those who showed them so much kindness, I cannot thank you enough. Truly, I can only thank God for all you did for them. The Moores in Toronto, the Murrays and the Ts in Grand Rapids, and all the wonderful young folk they met at the Youth Conference and at their Soccer Nights ... you all gave them an unforgettable holiday.


Our prayer, of course, is that all that was experienced by all who were there would be blessed to never-dying souls.

Photographs from an Unnamed Photographer

Someone went off with the camera today. You may be able to guess who from the following set of photos.

Fort Alamo

Lightning MacQueen

A London Bus - the photographer's favourite, apparently

Military vehicle -  a tank on wheels, with its gun pointing straight at you.

My favourite. Twins ...

A present from CA, all the way from Canada. Thanks, Mate.

Photos on the wall.

They are my kids as they are etched in my mind. They keep growing and moving on, but this is how they are to me. 

It explains the innumerable number of hugs they have to put up with every day. And they are kind enough to their poor Mama to humour me through it all.

Big Brother and a Big Birthday

Last night, the Builder's family came together to celebrate a rather significant birthday, for a rather significant Big Brother.

We love this guy, don't we...

... especially when he smiles ;)

So, apparently is was a Big Birthday for Big Brother yesterday.

And here are the seven siblings.

The Builder is looking positively small in this photo. Big Brother is looking a bundle of laughs. Baby Brother is just looking handsome as ever. ;)

After our meal, we came back home where the nieces and nephews were waiting for their favourite uncle.

Here they are surrounding him. They think they're in line to be in his will.

We know they're in line to be looking after him in his old age. 

Big Brother surprised us by indicating he would make a speech. Turned out, however, that he'd taken the wrong speech along. This one began: 'On behalf of my wife and I......'. Aye, it would appear that he can fold that one away carefully for another wee while.

(Unless there's something we don't know...)

(Oh, and you didn't believe the whole BB-was-gonna-make-a-speech thing, did you?  If you did, you really don't know this guy.) 

One of our nieces decorated this cake for him. Don't you love it... sheep, fencing, feeding troughs (even the obligatory sheep poo on the grass!). Yep, this made him feel right at home.

Here's Katie and Catherine's flock of Blackface sheep, again made in honour of the Right Honourable BB.

His siblings' main present to him was this fabulous camera. 

And we got this painting of Bruce and John Wayne made for him.

Bonfire Day... Part I

What a gorgeous day we have here.


We have:


- hardly any wind
- no rain
- blue skies


I thought someone may have transported me some place else through the night, but I checked some things:


- the view
- my family
- my to-do list


Yep, I'm home.


Here are some photos from this morning.

Beginning to get the bonfire shape..

and kids on top of the world.

The centre pole arriving...

...and the gaffer keeping an eye on proceedings

Homeschoolers Visiting

We had a homeschoolers' get-together today. For the sake of having a theme, we celebrated our Queen's birthday. Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II was 85 today. 

Sadly, because of the preparations for next week's wedding, she wasn't able to join us for our party.

It means she missed out on this.

 The table before anyone arrived. Flags, bunting and a Queen Elizabeth timeline.

She also missed out on the Pioneer Woman's Chocolate Sheet cake with cream cheese frosting and Smarties.

I bet she's never had the privilege of the PW's Chocolate cake with Smarties on top. I know if she had, she would have foregone the preparations and joined us.

Oh well, one can't have it all, can one?

 Part of the timeline, showing her birth and the day she became heir to the throne. Her father wasn't 'supposed' to be king. However, his brother, King Edward VII abdicated, leaving George to become king, and the young Princess Elizabeth became heir to the throne.

 Throughout the decades she has been Queen, nobody can question her commitment to duty, her loyalty to our country, and her dignity in all the circumstances - many of them hugely unexpected, desperately sad and terribly difficult - life has thrown at her.

The day was so lovely, we jumped ship and headed down to the beach. Today it was baseball/rounders. The rules were made-up-as-we-went-along, although our kids seemed sure their way was the way.

 Again, we had the beach to ourselves.

 Mind you, although it was gorgeously sunny, it wasn't warm. Only about 10C (around 50F).

 This was the beach when we left it.

 And the dunes, where the kids spent part of the time.

And now a photo of tonight's sunset from my back door. Time for a long bath and a good book.